Flying with kids really kinda sucks. Sometimes, we hit that magical sweet spot where the timing of the flight and the kids sleep schedule line up (and unicorns prance on rainbows) and we fly in peace. That very rarely happens.

Recently I forgot I am a mother of two and wore an all white dress on an 8 hour flight. I was feeling all “look at me in my floaty white dress, going on my fancy summery holiday”. One hour in, I was promptly reminded of my parental status.  I looked down to discover an 8 inch fluorescent green, horrid smelling stain across my hip. My toddlers nappy had a blow out and my dress was a casualty. Oh, and by the way, it was fluorescent green owing to the fact that my kids can’t eat dairy but it was Easter so they’d eaten their body weight in lollies, most of which were blue jellybeans! So I did what any other mother in my my position would do: soaked my dress in… err okay, so I just soaked myself with a nice savvy B and carried on.

I like to think that I do these things in the name of research for the blog. 101 reasons why white is never a good idea. Ever.The truth is, I’m a mum and a forgetful one at that.

With that in mind, here is my (non comprehensive) list of do’s and don’ts for surviving plane travel with tiny people:

DO drink wine. Really. I find it makes the whole experience more enjoyable for everyone.

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DO be nice to the flight attendants. Always. You never know when you might need a wine refill water for that bottle pronto or someone to hold bubs so you can pee.

DON’T try to balance your baby on baby change table above you so you can pretend you are a circus contortionist and do a quick wee. Nobody has that kind of flexibility and it doesn’t end well. Or so I’ve heard…

DO watch Spongebob Squarepants for the 255th time to appease your little angels. Hey its not all bad, Antonio Banderas is in it after all. Okay, I’m clutching at straws.

DON’T be one of those super annoying people who stand up as soon as the plane touches down.

  

Image via theoatmeal.com 
  

DON’T  be a dick. (I’m looking at you lady in KL who pushed in front of us, screaming kids and all).
DON’T hand out adorable little goodie bags with earplugs, lollies etc to the passengers around you apologising for the noise your kid makes. It makes me look bad.

Got anything to add?